Inspector Jones

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Name: Inspector Jimmy Jones

Age: 33

Place Of Birth: Los Angeles

Occupation: Corrupt Police Officer

Hobbies/Interests: Working out; preening in the mirror (or his mirrored sunglasses, if he can’t find an actual mirror); watching gangster movies

Family Background and Early Years

Conversations with his school friends reveals that Jimmy Jones always wanted to be a corrupt police officer. Whenever his teachers asked him what he wanted to do with his life he’d answer proudly, “To protect and to serve!” while leaving out the part about protecting and serving himself above anyone else.

Coming from a long line of policemen who were never quite sure which side of the law they were on, corruption runs in the family. They would plant evidence with all the skill of a farmer sowing his seeds. Taking a back-hander was as instinctive as a tennis pro returning the ball in the heat of a tournament. Lying through their teeth as they committed perjury on the witness stand was second nature to the Jones family, and there wasn’t a polygraph test in the country they couldn’t pass without breaking a sweat.

With such unscrupulous role models to look up to it was no surprise when he graduated from the Police Academy with flying colours, thanks in no small part to a little help from his easily bribed uncle in the examination department. After all, incompetency had never proven to be much of a problem for the rest of the family and they weren’t about to let it get in the way of another promising career on the force.

Criminal Credentials

After graduation from the police academy, Inspector Jones began patrolling the streets of Los Angeles. He was noted amongst his fellow officers for proudly swirling his baton and bringing it crashing down on the heads of any hoodlums who refused to give him his share of their loot. Inspector Jones loved his work and was thoroughly dedicated to being as corrupt as was humanly possible. He didn’t think twice about turning a blind eye to a traffic violation – just so long as the perp’s palm was lined with dollar bills – or planting a spot of incriminating evidence tot guarantee that conviction, and his parents were no doubt very proud of their law-breaking son.

When he landed a position as the leader of the anti-corruption squad the celebrations in the Jones household are said to have lasted all day and night, as they quaffed caviar lifted straight off the back of a lorry and drank the finest champagne dirty money can buy. From this point on Inspector Jones would be virtually untouchable, free to corrupt the incorruptible and with a free pass to bribe, extort and cheat anyone who crossed his path. But as is all too often the case when someone acquires so much power, eventually it went to his head, and Inspector Jones found himself getting the kind of attention he wanted to avoid at all costs.

Having amassed a small fortune through his nefarious means and feeling as if he were completely above the law, Inspector Jones thought he could turn his hand to screen-writing. This was Los Angeles, after all, a place where everyone wants to break into the film industry (and anyone who says otherwise is lying). Sure enough, How To Be Corrupt … And Get Away With It! turned out to be a box office hit; unfortunately Jones made the simple but terrible mistake of boasting about his own experiences in an interview with Jimmy Kimmel, and before long Internal Affairs were busy working hard to build a case against him. Facing ten years to life for perjury, bribery, fixing evidence and hundreds of shakedowns, Inspector Jones did what all good corrupt police officers did best – he fled Los Angeles as quick as a flash and joined the force on Crime Coast.

It didn’t take long for the disgraced Inspector Jones to adapt to life on Crime Coast – in fact, he took to his new environment like a duck to water, ingratiating himself with the local criminals from the moment he arrived. He soon realised that his services were highly sought after amongst the island’s extensive criminal underworld, and fraternizing with hoods and gangsters was the one thing Inspector Jones did best.

Henchman Skills

No aspiring head of a criminal syndicate can hope to reach the top of their game without a little help from a corrupt police officer, and Inspector Jones certainly has the experience required to ensure that any illicit goods can be transported around the city without fear of being pulled over by one of the few remaining honest cops left patrolling the streets.

He’s a prime example of just how accurate the “rotten apple” theory is, too – for the right price he’ll happily turn an honest cop into a corrupt one, allowing gangsters to develop their very own infiltrated cop units more than happy to look the other way when a big job is about to go down. And if your shady business enterprises extend to setting up protection rackets, having Inspector Jones on your team will guarantee an extra cash bonus when it comes to collecting your dues.

To the average citizen struggling to earn an honest living on Crime Coast corruption can be something of a problem. But for the criminally-minded entrepreneur who plies their trade on the wrong side of the tracks, Inspector Jones is an invaluable henchman who’ll happily serve your needs and protect your back … as well as your back side!